Mikey-Mike...

So, it's about time I started posting about this. After all, this is a spot for me to get it all out, right?!

Well, here goes nothing... Mike's speech therapist went on vacation the end of May. Since she was going to be gone for 6 weeks and the kids and I were going to be gone for 4 (2 of the weeks were overlapping so it would have been 8 weeks w/o therapy) I asked that another speech therapist be able to consult w/ me to give me strategies and exercises for our month w/o therapy. And am I ever so glad I did!! 45 minutes into our first session with A she says to me, 'Did E ever recommend that you take Mike to a child neurologist so that he can be tested for speech apraxia?' I talked to her but after about 10 minutes she had to go to her next appt.

I was so pissed... how come the speech therapist that has been working with him for over a f*cking year didn't pick this up?? I went right to the computer and this is the first page that I pulled up: http://www.asha.org/public/speech/disorders/ChildhoodApraxia.htm. The whole page was like reading about Mike! Here is what they said:

"What is childhood apraxia of speech?
Childhood apraxia of speech (CAS) is a motor speech disorder. Children with CAS have problems saying sounds, syllables, and words. This is not because of muscle weakness or paralysis. The brain has problems planning to move the body parts (e.g., lips, jaw, tongue) needed for speech. The child knows what he or she wants to say, but his/her brain has difficulty coordinating the muscle movements necessary to say those words."

My poor little guy gets so frustrated trying to get things out! He gets one sound out and nothing else! He looks like he just wants to say things and has so much to say and when he tries it doesn't come out. And then I read the symptoms and that was it for me...

"What are some signs or symptoms of childhood apraxia of speech?
Not all children with CAS are the same. All of the signs and symptoms listed below may not be present in every child. It is important to have your child evaluated by a speech-language pathologist (SLP) who has knowledge of CAS to rule out other causes of speech problems. General things to look for include the following:
A Very Young Child
Does not coo or babble as an infant
First words are late, and they may be missing sounds
Only a few different consonant and vowel sounds
Problems combining sounds; may show long pauses between sounds
Simplifies words by replacing difficult sounds with easier ones or by deleting difficult sounds (although all children do this, the child with apraxia of speech does so more often)
May have problems eating "

Well, if that isn't Mike!! I was raging pissed and on the phone to E's boss in less than 2 minutes! How could she not have even brought this up, even if it was to rule it out!! What the hell kind of speech therapist can she be if EVERY symptom (including the eating one) fits Mike and she didn't say a f*cking word??!! She either sucks at her job or she is just an ass because anyone can see that this kid should be evaluated for this issue!

So, now I have one neuro appt. July 30 at 10 AM and the other Dr's office has no computer system for today so they will call me tomorrow to set up an appt. And needless to say, since this is the SECOND f*ck up with the early intervention in Lee County I have been in touch with them every other day and they have agreed to take E off Mike's case and we will now be seeing A as his speech therapist. It is a relief to me because I don't think I could even stomach seeing E anytime soon. Because of her, if this is what is going on w/ Mike he will have missed out on an absolutely necessary 3-4 more hours of speech therapy a week for the past 6 months!

Anyway, thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated! I will update more on this when I get the next appt and when we get back to Florida and I know more... Thanks!

With love from,
Chrissie in Happy Valley

Well, it's been a while...

...but I am still here. I am feeling better. I would have been getting ready to go for my 20 week ultrasound next week but instead I am filling my days with being grateful for my 2 kiddies that are here with me and doing all that I can do with them. It is hard to try not to think about where I would be in my pregnancy and the fact that I would have been feeling those flutters and in maternity clothes by now but God had other plans for me and my family and I am hoping that in time I can really be ok with that.
The kids and I are heading back to NY for a few weeks on Friday. This trip has been planned for a while but I have to admit, if I could shorten it, I would. The 3 of us will be up there for 3 weeks and then Matt will come up and meet us and stay for a week then all 4 of us will fly back to Florida. It is going to be a crazy 3 weeks. I will be happy to see my family and friends and to spend time with them but I am anxious about the kids and I being gone for so long. Katie will be going back to school shortly after we get back to Florida and I don't want her to go through all of the emotions of missing her family and friends in NYC all over again like she did when we moved down here. There are a lot of things I want to do up there and that I have planned. My little brother is graduating 8th grade so his party is this weekend, my dad is retiring on the 27th and we are celebrating with him (Yes, we will be on TV when he rings the closing bell!! :) Check us out on CNBC at 3:55 PM EST on 6/27!!), my Grandmother is celebrating her birthday on 7/5... and I really just miss my friends so I am thrilled that I will be able to see them and spend some time with them! But on the other hand, I am trying to accept that this is where I live. This is my life now. My life is in Florida and my family and friends are in NYC. It is hard for me to go back home and see them, just as they were when I left (well, not just as they were but close!! LOL) and spend time with them and know that I have to come back to Florida and not see them again for months. All of these changes that I have gone through and am continuing to go through. I just keep praying and trying to accept things as they are. Then Matt throws another curveball... just when I am accepting that I am here in Cape Coral, he tells me that he is putting in for a promotion. A program that would move us from here to another area of Florida for a year and then possibly move us again. Well, I guess we will cross that bridge if we need to, right??!! LOL
Anyway, we are leaving this Friday for the month and I haven't done any packing yet so I should probably start doing that... but first, to do some laundry and get these kiddies to bed!! LOL
Hope you are all doing well... Be strong, live well, love much and laugh often...

With love from,
Chrissie in Happy Valley ;)

Helen Childress was right... Reality Bites...

So, I know I said in my last post that I would post about my miscarriage when it wasn't so raw and fresh in my head but what can I say, I didn't lie, I just didn't think I would need to get as much out as I think I need to right now. It was 2 weeks ago tonight that I lost the baby and while the physical issues of my miscarriage have gone (i.e. bleeding and cramping) the emotional issues are just starting. I mean, it is a real eye opener when you are pregnant and having all the pregnancy symptoms and issues and then you aren't and you have nothing to show for it but a whole lot more fabric for that Maid of Honor dress you have to wear in a few weeks because you should have been 4 months pregnant with child number 3 and there would have been a whole lot more of you then there was at your last fitting.
While I was going through the whole physical miscarriage process of tests, ultrasounds, cramping and bleeding and such to see if I need a D&C and I was still having all of the miscarriage symptoms it was easy to push the reality of things out of my head b/c the bleeding was a pain in the ass and I was uncomfortable and going back and forth to the Dr and all that jazz and now that things are back to "normal", reality has set in. I was pregnant and now I am not. Reality really does bite.
I know that I have been really short with Matt and I know that I shouldn't be like that but he just doesn't get it. I don't expect him to and I don't want him to, I just want him to at least pretend to get the fact that no matter how unplanned this pregnancy was, from the moment that stick showed two pink lines I was bonding with the baby and with the pregnancy. I had embraced it, no matter how afraid I was of going through this high risk pregnancy in Florida, I had loved that little bean in there like I had known it for a hundred years. That is how real it was to me. It just wasn't real to him. Seriously though, is a pregnancy ever really REAL to a man until that baby comes out? I mean, they have no morning sickness, their boobs don't get so sore that putting on a bra is even more of a chore than before, they don't get woken up when the baby decides that the rib cage looks like a great jungle gym, they don't walk around with TUMS in every purse they own and in the car and in every room of the house and in every office desk drawer because that acid reflux could strike at any moment. It just isn't real to them. Sure, they are excited and they are nervous but how real could it truly be to them? And it isn't their fault, it just is that way. Men are tough, they can lift the heavy furniture, they can change the oil in and a tire of car, they can put together a treadmill or a bicycle in record time but give them a crib and a manual and it could take days. It just isn't in their makeup to get 'it' until that baby is here and waking them up at 3 AM. I try to remember that, I try to remember that this pregnancy wasn't real to him yet and I try not to punish him for that. But it is hard, it is hard because I am so sad and I am hurting so much and I am so mad at him for NOT feeling like that and I am jealous that he doesn't get it. I am jealous that I am the one that had to go through the physical pain of a miscarriage and now I have to go through the emotional pain too...
I will get through it. I know I am stronger than I give myself credit for being but I just feel like I am going through the emotions of the move still and now I have this. I pray every night that God gives me the strength that I need to get through all of this and come out the other end a better woman, mom and wife. I am forever thankful for my kiddies that are here with me, they bring me a brightness that I never could have imagined. They are truly my reasons for getting out of bed in the morning and everything I do, I do with them in my mind and heart. I know that when and if it is time for Matt and I to have another blessing, it will happen and it will be amazing.

I am sorry this is so long again... I guess I have more that I needed to let out than I realized... Thank you for reading if you got this far.... I hope that those that are reading this have a wonderful day....

With love from,
Chrissie in Happy Valley