What a night we had here!! Mike slept great. He asked to go to bed around 8 and fell asleep within 20 minutes. He even pooped in the middle of the night and let me change him without waking up! Katie, on the other hand, is a ball of worries and stress.
She was up 8 times going to the bathroom. And every time she woke me up and made me come to the bathroom with her. I would sit on the floor and she would sit on the toilet doing absolutely nothing just whining that her belly hurt. Finally, at 5:30 this morning during the 8th wake up she said, 'I'm homesick. I miss Daddy and Pugsley and Tuck'. (Daddy, our dog and the turtle) Now, I knew that was my opening telling me that she was ready to talk. So, I said, 'I know, we both miss Daddy and Pugsley and Tuck but you know Daddy is going to come back up here soon and that in the spring he is going to try to be able to move back to NY to be with us, right'. She said she didn't know that but that it made her happy. So she fell back to sleep. The alarm went off at 6:45 to get her up and ready and she was a bundle of mess. And I mean, a MESS. I decided that this was the time to talk to her. Yesterday was the prep work and now I had to get it out of her.
So, as I went to get her uniform I told her that I know everything that is going on is scary and I know that she is confused, upset and worried but that I hoped she knew that she could ask me anything and I would answer it the best that I could. So, finally it started...
Why do the kids in the hospital not wear hospital gowns?
How do they get the tubes on the kids?
How can they run around and play with the tubes coming out of them?
Do the tubes hurt when they are playing?
What happens if they run too fast and forget the pole? Will the needle come out and hurt them?
Why did some of the kids not feel good and just lay down while they were getting their medicine?
Why does the medicine make some kids sick? Isn't it supposed to make the kids better?
Why do a lot of the kids have no hair?
Some of the kids have stitches in their heads. Why didn't the stitches hold their hair in?
Will Mike have no hair?
Why are all of the kids in that hospital?
How did Mike's tumor get in his back and brain?
How did K's lump get behind her eye? (K is a girl in her class w/ a benign brain tumor near her ocular nerve undergoing chemo at Sloan too... Katie just doesn't get away from it so I know that is hard on her to see her friend not feeling well while she is seeing her brother not feeling well.)
When I wash my hands I feel my spine move. Is that ok? (This one killed me... I felt like it really got to the bottom of a lot of her worry)
I really answered all the questions the best that I could while trying to make the answers 6-year old friendly. She is so bright and intuitive that I didn't want to downplay or not answer anything so I did answer everything and was honest about everything. I told her that we don't know if Mike would lose his hair, that stitches don't hold hair in but put the skin back together after an operation, that the tumors and lumps have been there for a long time, that the nurses bandage the tubes in the kids well enough that they won't come out, that the medicine sometimes makes the kids tired and bothers their belly because it has to be so strong to get rid of the bad tumor cells and that it really is ok that her spine moves when she washes her hands, that she is healthy and smart and definitely the best big sister out there.
This poor kid has so much going through her head. I was so glad that she was able to come yesterday to see everything and get the flow of questions going. I think she really needs that. I will definitely be spending a lot of one-on-one time with her as often as I can because I know she needs that.
I keep reminding myself, I don't get it. I don't like it, it makes me crazy and worried and stressed and upset... she's 6. I can't imagine what goes through her head. I just hope that she keeps asking questions and talking to me about it.
Anyway, I just wanted to share this morning with you all. Thank you again for your prayers, please keep them coming!!
Love to you all,
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Posted by Chrissie at 8:10 AM