Sunday, July 5, 2009

Do you ever feel a little neurotic?

There are so many restrictions placed on and orders given for Mike by various doctors... not too much sun, not too cold, no community water, be careful of the sand on the beach, try not to let him get too many cuts for fear of infection, watch what he eats, make sure he gets enough sleep, watch for bruises... there are so many things that sometimes I feel like I am becoming neurotic!!

We have a new deck. It is built with Trex so there will be no splinters but since Mike isn't walking, his knees and feet (from the dropfoot) are being dragged along so I put him in pants and socks and sneakers! It's July and the poor kid is in jeans, socks and sneakers! And then when he comes to me and I pick him up I feel like he is warm so I get the thermometer. He doesn't have a fever, he's hot because he's in jeans and socks for crying out loud! I am forever washing his hands and checking him for cuts or bruises. And I can't even tell you how anal I am about what and how much he eats now. Since his diet is expanded I am constantly on top of how much he is eating! I am forever checking all of the meds to make sure we don't need refills or anything. I have never been super-organized but now I have file-folders... Rx receipts, consult co-pay receipts, insurance papers, lab results, path results... every topic has it's own folder.

I have found that I am on top of Katie much more now too. I feel like she is in need of so much attention but doesn't know how to go about getting it in a good way these days so she resorts to whining or saying things that she knows she probably shouldn't or even by being hyper and jumpy. I feel like I am constantly correcting her and on top of being frustrated by her behavior, I am totally exhausted so it comes out as yelling. I hate that. Every day I try to think of things to do with her and for her to make her not feel like she has to act out. Every day I try to talk to her and spend at least a few minutes with her... and just her. I need to do these things. I need to have her know that she is ok and that, despite all of the attention that Mike gets she is loved and is being taken care of just like before.

I am constantly worried and constantly thinking and constantly wondering where this neurotic behavior came from... Do all cancer moms or moms of kids with life-changing illnesses get like this? Or am I the only one that does all of this worrying, thinking and wondering?


DysFUNctional Mom said...

You have so much on your plate, and I don't know how you do it. It seems to me you are doing your very best, and a great job holding it all together!

Andersen Family said...

We all feel the same way:( Sadly you are not alone.