Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I must have been sent on this drive for a reason...

Hi everyone!! :)

Well, Matt came up over the weekend and since Mike was feeling well enough, for the most part, we drove upstate to my in-laws. It was a nice weekend and the kids were absolutely thrilled to see Matt. I would love to share more about the weekend with you but for now I am only going to share about our drive upstate. It was a drive that I don't think I am going to forget for a long time because it really made me believe, even more than I did before, that everything is going to be ok. Here is the story of our drive...

I am going to start by saying, I never carry my camera up front in the car w/ me but since Matt was driving (that doesn't happen too often in the minivan!) I just threw it up there and I was so glad I did. If any of you live in New York you know that traffic can be bad on the NYS Thruway but it was downright horrendous, even for a Saturday morning. So we had to take a detour. It was a big detour. We had to get off of the Thruway and backtrack a few exits down the Sprain Brook. After we changed gears and got our bearings I knew that we had to drive up the mountains. I hate going that way, it's winding and steep and I am tend to get a little car sick when we have to drive that way so I was not thrilled by this!! It was a normal drive for a little while until all of a sudden we turned up 9W and the view was just stunning. There was an ice storm on Thursday night and everything was still covered and coated with ice. I had never seen anything like it. It was absolutely stunning. On top of being so beautiful, there was something so peaceful about it. Katie was so excited by it but I couldn't believe it, it was amazing, I could look at it for days. In fact, one of my pictures is now my computer's background so I can see it every time I look at the computer.

I believe there was a reason we were sent that way. There was a reason Matt was driving, that there was unbearable traffic on the route that we normally take, and that I had put my camera in the front with me. I think I was supposed to see how beautiful things can be despite everything going on in our lives. Because, let's face it... when your 3 year old has an unidentifiable brain & spine tumor you tend to have a few disagreements with God. I know that people will tell me things like He doesn't let you go through things alone, He is always there with you, He is watching over us and He never gives you more than you can handle but I have to be honest... He is really getting ready to cross that line of what I can handle and what I can't. I pray every day like crazy. I pray for Mike, Katie, me, our family and friends who have been so wonderful to us, those that we know that are going through their own tumor and cancer battles and for those that we don't know that are battling too... and there are about 100 more intentions and people that I pray for on a daily basis. I have really been struggling with all of this because watching my 3 year old get stuck with 2 needles a week and getting pumped full of chemo, getting sick from the medication that is supposed to make him better, feeling so tired after just a little while of playing, losing his hair, having his sister worry about him and wonder every week if we will be home from the hospital or if we will have to stay with no notice again. I know I have said it before but I can't say it enough, our family and friends have been amazing. I have so much support that it is awesome, but no matter how many people are around, at the end of the day it's me that Mike wants to hold him and me that Katie asks the questions that wake her up at 3 AM to answer. It's me that holds him for every fingerstick and port access and just sits with him rubbing his back and holding him when he feels miserable. So, now I know that I was sent on that drive this weekend to remind me that things will get better, that there is calmness and beauty to come. This is our traffic jam, our unexpected, horrendous, out of the blue Saturday morning traffic jam and we may have to step back and find our way but the outcome will be wonderful.

I just wanted to share that with all of you. Now, since I was able to get some pictures I want to share them with all of you.

That's all for now... I am off to bring Katie to cheer at a basketball game. I hope that you are all well. Please keep those prayers coming, they are appreciated more than you know!



Fella',Mommy,Girly,Chrissy,Christina,You Pick! said...

You make my heart jump, my eyes tear up and yet I smile at the end of your postings. WHAT a brave woman you are! Mike, Katie, Matt, and all in your life are so blessed to have you! LOVE YOU Dear Friend!
Now keep that ice to yourself. I am NOT ready for it! hahaha